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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045175">The Monster No One Wanted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211'>Nihonkikuasa211</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Durarara!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Injury, Character Death, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Stabbing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:35:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya was stabbed by Anri in the hospital after attempting to visit a friend. It seems the only one who believed he was not involved with everything going on in Ikebukuro was himself...but no one cared.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Monster No One Wanted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know it is common knowledge that Izaya was behind the Akane incident. However, I have a theory he was not in fact responsible, as he has many enemies...but we only see various high schoolers and an ex-bartender. As of why Izaya was disappointed by Shizuo's reaction, I think that Shiki told the informant what happened by second-hand information. This is just a theory to test out to see if people like it or not.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>                The world didn’t want Orihara Izaya. And Orihara Izaya, the boy who once bled tears of blood as he observed all of humanity’s faults and joys. did not want the world either. Izaya knew that he did not want to love. He knew that when he saw the joy of his precious humans, the agony, the joy, the ecstasy, the pain, sorrows, the joy of life it was like love. That was love. Love that was twisted s beautiful, breathtaking, song. But only he could hear because looking at the expressions of his humans was more than he could ever hope for in himself. For unconsciously perhaps, and only ever Shinra was ever able to see himself, for who he truly he was. A person part of the human species of not reject love but not accept it either. Simply observe in a content and lonely existence. See the love joy and see everything they had to off for he could not understand and bother to understand his own emotions. Perhaps it was a fear of being happy. He had read about it in his many psychology textbooks when he was an undergraduate student. Such good days they were, but how agonizingly clear. But he was only himself to blame.</p><p>He felt the blood weep out of his wound. A choked gasp had bubbled from his lips as Sonohara Anri, the monstrous girl, stabbed him with Saika. A smile almost appeared on his face, blurring the blood now leaking out of the open wound.</p><p>She had even pushed the demonic sword past his hip. Izaya didn’t have enough time to grip the sword to stop the sharp blade. His breathe rasped into a choked whisper as the vacant red eyes of Saika, her expression cold and calculating, pushed the blade until it reached the hilt.</p><p>
  <em>Ahh…humans are so interesting. </em>
</p><p>Someone was screaming. He hoped it wasn’t him.</p><p>Shizu-chan…</p><p>He was able to give Vorona a second chance. And he himself never crossed the lines she had crossed, and yet he gave her everything that had been denied to him. Izaya hadn’t been given a chance.</p><p>“You piss me off.”</p><p>The words were a lullaby to Izaya’s ears. It echoed in his heart when all he had still was a hollow organ. Deep in inside. He was never born of love or born of hate. His unfortunate conception was from indifference. Why was he so different? He was a normal child, had a normal upbringing. HE had no one to blame . Izaya didn’t want to see the world in the way it saw him. He hated himself. Still deep inside Izaya remembered that anime. How absurd it was that a teenage girl would fall in love and get pregnant not even out of high school. The kindergarten teacher would be sexually harassed by a five year old. How was it possible for such emotions to exist?</p><p>A long ago memory resurfaced. Even though he was dying now, all he wanted was to go to kindergarten. Just once to experience. Just to pretend that he had loving parents and the world was kind to him. And now it was as if he could feel Shizu-chan’s lips across his own. To experience the love and sexual desire that all the humans had. It wasn’t as if Izaya had experienced himself. For sure, his sex drive was normal. But it wasn’t as if he would share anything with his beloved humans. But how many would care if he died. No one. ‘</p><p>Not one of them would care.</p><p>Shizu-<em>chan</em>’s best day would be his death. He was dying now, bleeding out as the cold gaze of the monster masquerading as a human stood and abruptly pulled the blade out of his abdomen.</p><p>Izaya fell on his side, agony tearing apart his battered body falling on the hard floor. He wasn’t even aware of anything going on.</p><p>He was cold.</p><p>But why would Shizu-<em>chan</em> think that he would set him up for murder again? It was absurd, really. For the blond was too predicable, although he loved seeing the man’s enraged expression. He had no part in the deaths of those Awakusu-kai members.</p><p>And yet…</p><p>
  <em>“99.55% of stuff happening in Ikebukuro is your fault!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Who knew that an entire city would agree with him?</em>
</p><p>Izaya almost laughed at the absurdity. No matter what he did, the humans he loved always assumed that everything going wrong in their lives was his fault. It had angered him when Celty accused him of setting up Shinra’s grievous injuries, immediately suspecting him.</p><p>
  <em>It hurts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It hurts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>How dare…the vile creature say that I injured Shinra… “Do it because it was fun?” Normally, insults would not bother me…but sometimes I feel so tired.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I…loved humanity from a distance to protect myself…for my aching, emotional heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am…not the monster people seem to think I am. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hah…Monster.</em>
</p><p>Monsters were predictable. How fitting for him to die like this, bleeding and half broken. His own undoing was his fault.</p><p>And yet a lone tear leaked from his eye. That tear slipped from his eye and fell on the cold, hard ground. Dying alone. He didn’t want to die. He never wanted to die. He wanted to live.</p><p>Live, and be human. But he wasn’t human.</p><p>The pain was growing distant. Someone was screaming…his name? But why would anyone want his name come from their lips?</p><p>He was...</p><p>
  <em>“<em>Whoever fights monsters should see to it than one does not become a monster.</em> If you look hard enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you. "</em>
</p><p>That was true. Izaya was staring at the abyss now. A long sigh came from his mouth.</p><p>No one would find him. But when they did, there would be celebration. Was this the end to the twisted love story of Orihara Izaya?</p><p>“Iza-Iza!” <em>Who…? </em>Izaya thought blearily as he bled out. “Iza-Iza, don’t die!”</p><p>He hurt more than ever.</p><p>Why was he in pain again?</p><p><em>Warm… </em>The dying young man thought as Karisawa Erika frantically tried to save his life. Sonohara Anri was pale and numb against the wall, realizing far too late of what she had done. <em>So warm…. </em>Izaya wanted to be warm again. Shizu-chan’s arms looked so warm, capable of so much violence and…</p><p>“S-shizu…chan…”</p><p>Izaya could barely breathe. He was losing consciousness. Still, this would at least be his last gift to the man he secretly loved.</p><p>Izaya could see Shizuo now, scowling at him with his golden eyes and blond hair. Still, the image was Shizu-chan after all. Izaya never wanted his…favorite human to change.</p><p>A smile so gentle it could melt the sun warmed his face. His voiced was barely audible and his heart was slowing down.</p><p>Izaya smiled for the first time in many years to the person he loved and hated the most in the world.</p><p>
  <em>“Mite irai ni...kimi o..."</em>
</p><p>He almost choked on his own blood. </p><p>But he had to say it. </p><p>Otherwise he would regret it for the rest of his life. </p><p>
  <em>Aishiteru.”</em>
</p>
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